Let me start from the beginning.

I was invited to my friends house for Xmas celebration evening. This was exciting, and fun, and something to look forward to as I dearly love my friends. So that's that. (Other than that I couldn't care less about the whole Xmas deal). Now - 

I took it upon myself to contribute to the dinner and the food offer by making a traditional winter dish my mom used to make every winter (Sarma - cabbage rolls) and Baklava (the walnut pastry thingie - very eastern, often prepared in Croatian homes at holidays - likelihood of the influence of the Turks, but don't take my word for it)... 

The Sarma stuff is really (by my rough estimate) not *too* hard on the body as it is mostly cabbage and lean meat (as I cook it without much grease if you don't count 100 grams of large cut smoked bacon which I subtly pick out of my plate anyway), however - BAKLAVA is another story. Bear with me.

On my way back from friends house, I thought about how I've learned to 'celebrate' things as a good little 'tradition follower' - while I might not buy into the religion aspect of the holiday etc, I have come to somewhat accept that people like to celebrate these things and that I shouldn't really take a dump into their punch bowl - but allow somehow that we all rejoice in our differences and be good to each other - which in the end implies - we are good to ourselves as well. (That's at least my somewhat non-crystallized definition of a celebration - when people do something that is really good/rewarding for them in honor of something or as a reward to selves for something etc..)

Now - what prompted this particular thinking path was how the evening went on. 

Firstly - half of the guests did not make it to the gathering because they were stuck in bad weather in a bad car - so for the safety of their children they decided to turn around the block and stay at home. Understandable.

This meant I did not get to meet some members of my friends family which I was looking forward to - but it also meant that we had double (if not triple) the food we needed. Fine - I can freeze the leftovers - again, no big deal.

Evening was lovely - we had a blast opening each others presents, everyone seemed happy. 

Then - at some point in the evening I quietly realized that we all seem to have made the same classical 'mistake' most people do at holiday dinner days. By the time we got together we must have gone a bit too hungry - because we all ate pretty quickly and got seconds or thirds and took a looong break before any of us actually mentioned the dessert. Again- that was fine with me - as I have realized over the course of the dinner that I am so congested I cannot taste anything anyway so the 'no space for dessert' did not bother me. I took a nibble of some fudge, realized it did not do much for me and I set it aside.
Come the later hour of the evening - I have noticed self trying to figure out a way of how to bend this *fullness* and somehow get that sensation of " I think I'd like something sweet " so that I could say - a-HA! why that is why I made my BAKLAVA! - which I would then offer to smiling loving friends, we would all eat some and be happy together. But - it did not quite happen that way.

I tried to eat a piece and the first bite tasted fantastic. Than - I took an extra fork, and cut a little corner and made my roommate try it. He liked it but was just as full as I was and couldn't eat any more. Than I made my friends try a nibble - they were all too full to combat such a rich dessert. Anyway - 

as the evening was getting wrapped up - my friend and I did some leftover trade and I have felt this strange thing....as if I felt guilty for having offered my friend the Baklava because all of the sudden I realized how much damn SUGAR this thing has in it. 
Now - both my friend and I are hefty ladies - and from that aspect I know that any notion (in either of our minds) of 'we should not eat this' would readily get stomped by the 'screw it - baklava or no baklava we are in the bananas already - give a piece ' (or something to that note). 
But no - it was sort of a lucid moment (or whatever moment) - I have looked down at the pan which was missing only a few pieces (taken away in a doggy bag by my friend's mother who had skipped out a few minutes earlier) and I watched my friends husband take a couple of slices into a plastic dish 'for tomorrow', after which he took a tiny piece just to either satisfy his curiosity or bless his nice self- be considerable towards me for having put all this effort into preparing a load of food that was not consumed. Again - either way - all fine with me. Except -
on the way back home, I have realized what ludicrous thing this 'prepare a special traditional gift of Baklava for my friends' is. I have, actually, under having the programming of 'tradition=good=rewarding=something to be proud of and share' made a dessert which contains over 2 pounds of sugar in one pan (if you don't count the other carbs from Fillo dough used) which is in all actuality a MALLET on the pancreas (+ whatever else health hazard, there are plenty) and aside from a simple little "squirt" of spit in the corners of our mouths and a "mm yummy" confirmation of the entitled-for-yummy ego - does absolutely NOTHING positive for me and my friends and is, in all actuality, something downright poisonous. Not in one dose, but just like I wouldn't toss in a teaspoon of rat poison into their rice, I shouldn't have fed them this either. So, I am totally and without guilt tossing all the Baklava leftovers I brought home with me (as my friends are to make their own decisions - I will not make efforts to convince them of anything - while I *deeply hope* they decide to not eat it and throw it away as well.) No more cooking like this.

Now all this ties into another story of my roommate telling me my recently acquired food habits. 

I am really trying to kick back on obviously bad foods and replacing them with protein shakes from HERBALIFE - NOT because I believe HERBALIFE is some miraculous solution to all life's problems - but simply because it factually *does* have the nutrients body needs and I am not willing to stand over the stove making sure I cook 5 kinds of fresh vegetables every day in order to feed this organism..so, to me - it is a brand, a good brand, I checked it, liked it and chose it and I am happy with it. Case closed.

Anyway - my roommate said to me that my positive attitude and enthusiasm for this brand is strange because I seem to have joined a 'cult'. Oh boy do I have plenty to argue on this one... but - 

Till next time!
Happy whatever - 

Eshi